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How to support your in-laws and cradles at Christmas
Christmas is one of the favorite dates of people throughout the year. In truth, the magic that surrounds these parties spreads to everyone, and also is the occasion to meet with friends and family that, perhaps, throughout the year we do not see. While visiting our own family may be something that excites us, with the family politica may be different. It does not happen to all people, but there are many couples in which one of the members does not feel comfortable with the parents, brothers and sisters of the other. And, of course, the Christmas dinners arrive and it's time to spend an evening with the entire political family. Sometimes it can be because of getting along with the in-laws, or having the feeling that they do not like you very much. On the other hand, the cunados are a point of conflict or discomfort that is gaining ground to the in-laws, or simply do all that is said so much now that it is "doing the cunado": they talk too much, they make jokes in bad taste, they are football team or political party contrary to yours, or always try to solve your problems.
The Christmas dinner must be an occasion of joy and happiness with our loved ones
If this Christmas you want to survive Christmas dinners with your partner's family, but you do not know if you can bear it, do not worry. We give you the basic tips so that the celebration passes without conflicts, do not have a bad time and do not go home arguing with your partner.
1. Forget the problems of the past for a while The situations of each family are different. You may have had a disagreement in the past with your in-laws or cunados, or maybe there is only tension, but without it having reached more. The important thing is that if we are all invited to share the table at Christmas, it is because someone (either your partner or the hosts of the cinema) wants to spend an evening without discussions. For that reason, it is better not to bring the disagreements of the past to the table and if someone tries to do so, ignore the message. As they say, "two do not argue if one does not want to," and this is not the occasion to argue. It will only be two hours of dinner and everything will end, is it worth it to ruin all the work of those who have organized and cooked dinner?
Despite having had some prior misunderstanding, you have to try to leave them aside
2. Remember what position your partner is in. Even if there are disagreements between you and other people, you should keep in mind that your family is your partner, and if you get along with them and appreciate them, you can not take them away from them. It also happens badly if you argue, and if the dinner goes wrong, in the end it will also come into conflict.
3. Do not touch sensitive topics, especially if they do not go anywhere. We are not trying to say that you are the person who initiates the discussions, but we must keep in mind that topics can not be touched. Maybe you do not get along with anyone, but it irritates you to listen to your brother talk about politics, and it's normal. For that reason, better not to give them foot. If someone brings up the subject, we can hold on and not say anything, or what is better, change the subject. You can bring something thought of home, especially if it's good news, or comment something that has caught your attention in the news lately. Sometimes it is difficult for some to listen to us at the table, especially if we have the father-in-law taking the lead in the songs, or if you are a woman and they tend to do mansplaining. In an emergency, ask your partner to be the one who changes the subject.
Try not to lose your nerves and show much to know how to be
4. Do not lose your nerves or scream Sometimes there is no choice, someone says a comment that really touches you the most sensitive fiber or even becomes a personal matter. If they throw a hint, an attack, they question something you've done. In that case, you must respond with assertiveness, and be firm, give your opinion, but without getting angry, or putting a mocking tone of voice, or attacking. Better short phrases, like "that was my decision", "I do not think so, but I do not want to talk about it", "that's a personal matter" or "I have nothing to say". You can seem dry or sharp, but always showing serenity and not getting angry. The rest of the table will be grateful that an uncomfortable situation does not become a discussion.
5. Be kind and congratulate the hosts Normally the family meets at the house of the in-laws for Christmas dinners, and unfortunately it is usually the mother-in-law who is responsible for carrying the full weight of the celebration, so be kind to the person who has organized everything and congratulates whoever has cooked. The effort is very great, and even if you do not like the food, you should give it that recognition.
Try to be nice to everyone and show that you are having fun
6. Do not drink alcohol, or at least moderate Yes, we know that at Christmas it is tradition to drink, and dinner without wine would not be the same, but we must be cautious. Do whatever it takes to stop that alcohol from going up in your head and set up a little show, especially if you know that there may come words that we later regret. Other people get drunk, but you want everything to go well, right?
7. When you weaken, support your partner If our partner is aware that we do not fall or do not get along very well with our in-laws and cradles, ask him to support you emotionally. That is to say, we should not let our partner face his family, because that is unfair and also diminish our relationship. But if we can say that we want the dinner to go well, that we do not want to appear unpleasant to his family, and that we only need a gesture that encourages us during the night: a guino, a smile, holding hands ... When you see yourself In a situation displaced, irritated or tired, give your hand or look for your eyes to remind you why you do it and that it will end soon.
You have to be supportive of each other to overcome these dreaded dinners
8. Remember, you must not bear to be treated badly. With all these tips we do not want to indicate that you should show yourself as someone submissive to others. There are more complicated situations in which someone in the family does treat us especially badly, and you should not bear to be humiliated by anyone. That is something that you should talk to your partner beforehand, and in an unsustainable situation, it is best not to go to Christmas dinners. But if the problem with in-laws and cows is simply due to incompatibility or slight tensions, it is best to endure and wait until the end.
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